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Thoughts on Divorce

Why do relationships fire-up but do not last?  We find the explanation (as always) in Nature. Relationships fire up because they are hungry after many days (or years) of lack of nutrition. Suddenly we encounter a companion of our liking, someone that feeds a little amount of our needs and “Wow!”–we think this person is it. And we think this person is our Soul Mate.

This person is of course NOT our Soul Mate and the proof is in the results when;

a) Your marriage does not last forever, or near long enough.
b) Your life is not completely happy with him/her and sometimes boredom creeps in.
c) There are the occasional disagreements for anything that makes no sense to you.
d)  You cannot persevere in your romance, since it never was a lifetime romance, and it was only an illusion…a passing summer cloud, a temporary infatuation, a mirage…

And then, because our expectations are out of bound with this person, the high perfection we expect from our partner overtakes our mind and this is what corrodes our relationship. 

Divorce takes place and then we feel cheated and wasted; some of our youth is no longer there…we blame our partner for all our anger and misfortune.

“Compensation, I must get!" 
We allow this creepy thought into our minds…

We forget to think how wonderful at one time he/she was, or how much happiness you had with him/her in your life.

Saddle with this the thought you persevere in your vengeance…you think little about your family, sons and daughters, or what this turmoil will do to them… 

Your only concern is your anger.

No thought about the happy time spent together, or that by doing this the loving memories in your mind will disintegrate. 

“Which happy memories?”  You may ask.
Well… let’s see.

There was the time you met.
There was the time of your first kiss.
There was the time of sexual encounter.
There was the time when the kids were born.
There was the time when he/she enchanted you to such a high emotion you were thought to be in paradise.

“Yes! Yes…Those were the happy times! But now is now.”  You may add, “Our love has run its course and happiness is no longer possible.” 

That was exactly what I want you to acknowledge!
This way, the anger you carry for having lost you happiness will not corrode your Soul.
It was an episode in your life.
And it has run its course!
It is time to move on.

But to move on with a clear conscience, with the total conviction that life is not paradise, that we have sometimes happiness and also hard times. To realize things will happen, one way or another, and that it is up to you to see the value of people’s actions.

But how are you going to see beauty, or security, or a long lasting relationship with a a new love, when you carry scars of a previous relation?

Is this reasonable to you?
Can you put water in a cup when it is full?
Can a new love take the place of your heart when that space is occupied by unpleasant past memories?
Or for happy ones for that matter?

Your emotional space has to be clean (no scars); empty (no comparisons). Then you will be ready and willing to accept the new; to give it a chance!

Otherwise, you are doomed before you start.

Otherwise, your hunger will be attracted to a mirage.

Otherwise, you will make similar mistake as you did before and the relationship will not last!

Here are some suggestions:

  • Keep yourself clean by realizing the reality of life. You were not meant for each other for the period of time you had in mind. It is time to devise the exit strategy and move on with your life to find someone else.
  • Do not fight negatively. Divide things in half and move on. (What if his sense of half is more than your sense of half? Fine, let him have it. He knows how to add and subtract, he just feels miserable and has fallen in the trap of his anger. Your goal is to keep clean.)
  • Avoid lengthy entanglements to the divorce procedure through the suggestions of the attorneys. You know they mean well and want to represent your interest to the best possible scenario, but the longer this takes the longer it will be for you to heal the wounds of the relationship.
  • Material things come and go, but a happy life is much harder to accomplish. You will carry dust from this tumultuous road, but you want to carry as little dust as possible.
  • Tell your children the truth. Your lives no longer complement and happiness has left you; you cannot endure life without happiness; you love their father but you are not in love with him anymore. He is now a friend.  
  • Boost yourself! Realize you are much wiser now than in your younger years. You are more knowledgeable now about your needs. More knowledge is necessary to accomplish your goal with a short amount of time; therefore, your vision on this subject has to increase.                           

No proven formulas have been established about how to find your Soul Mate for you to be happy for a lifetime. Some folks were lucky and said they did find the perfect mate. I say luck belongs to the deserving, so it must have been their natures which pointed the way to them. We can’t rely on luck these days. We have to take matters in our own hands. The Bible says; “Know yourself.” I think this is a good point to get started. What is that I know about myself?

Best start a diary and list all the things you can possibly think about yourself; the good, the bad, beautiful, ugly, likes, dislikes, on and on…

Next, very carefully and with grace you will ask your friends how they see you, the picture they have of you, what they think you like or dislike, etc..

Then, let us go into Astrology books and see what their authors says about your sign. Please do not take anything like gospel, and if some of the writings make sense to you then you put it to the test before giving it your full approval.

I hope this page will help you in any positive way. I think you will agree it is a good goal to try to reduce the rate of divorce.

Vincent

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